I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
