Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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