so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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