I think scott just propositioned me for sex
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
