we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
