I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
