I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think pants incapable of making pants work
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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