you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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