someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
