I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
