walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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