I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize