When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
