thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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