drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
FUCK WHALES
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