And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
