the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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