no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
