Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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