Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
