she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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