I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
