First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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