So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
True college students do jello shots in the library
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