your thong is hanging out like whoa
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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