my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
