That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
