My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
