It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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