omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
