just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
