Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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