I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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