Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
