Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
