he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
