Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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