apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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