you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize