i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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