he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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