The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
