I can text with my tongue
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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