I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
