I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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