I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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