Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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