Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
