come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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