i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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