but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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