Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
