i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
