I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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