I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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