yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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