im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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