She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
