Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
