I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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