I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
