I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
