just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
