Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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