she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
